i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
