Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
