I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
