You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
