my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
