By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
