I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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