also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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