Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
