I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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