He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there was a trapeze. enough said
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
