Me too!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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