Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
