btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
