i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
