I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
