Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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