I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
