so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
