i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
