Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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