I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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