I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
