god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
