this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
