peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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