Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
