I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
