i just google imaged poop.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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