they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
