I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
