I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
