How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
