Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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