you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
