we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
