That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
