BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
