Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
