My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
