I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
