...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
