thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
