my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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