operation harelip BJ is a go
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
