Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
