It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
