As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
