is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
