On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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