you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
